Landslide over me...

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

I have an I-Pad and I am exploring it. So, one aspect is purchasing my favorite music and songs and creating a concert for me. One song done by Stevie inside of me. I hum the tune as I am learning the words.

I do feel that I was standing tall, just about coping with all the aspects of having a chronic illness. I could feel the sun; I could see the birds and hear them chirping. I laughed and I could create laughter. I had people around me. People who wanted to be with me and do things with me. Life had its problems but it seemed that I was able to cope.

Then there was a LANDSLIDE of health problems and they poured all over me and slowly I sunk beneath the earth. I was deaf to sounds. Laughter was now a stranger. People looked so distant, afraid to ask, "How are you doing?" I am an emotional person and the answer would have been emotional and teary. During that time of the Landslide my left hip fractured. I developed an major, life threatening infection in my mouth. I was in the hospital three times. I lost the ability to eat food through my mouth because the infection created a fistula and , and , This is the hardest by day I slowly lost my ability to speak clearly.

This limited so much of my more telephone calls to friends in Brazil. No more chats with friends, talking about nothing but laughing about everything. I am under the landslide. I have no thoughts of crawling out and that is because for the first time in my life I do not have me to take care of myself. Without speech, I am deaf to life and unable to call out for help. I am unable to do so much for myself. I have to ask people to make telephone calls for me...and not everyone is happy about being someone's puppet.

This landslide holds me down. I built my life around things that were comfortable and familiar and now without them, this landslide holds me down.
God bless us all. AMF

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