Guest Blogger: Lana Citron

Monday, July 13, 2009







The Fantasy Bus



9.08



And late



Girl exists London Underground



Bound for the office



Short skirt strides shortened



Clickitty clack heels upon pavement



Clocking in for a day of interminable boredom



Girl takes up appointed position



As temporary city company receptionist



'Good morning.'



Duties consist of sitting with a smile on her face



'Good morning.'



Harder than you may think



So you mustn't





Security guards take it in shift to sit bedside Girl



On this fine,



'Good morning.'



Arnold, a Northern, racist, homophobic



Not his fault environment in which he grew up



Keeps Girl company



9.30





The morning rush subsides and strange



A slow bus trundles along the road



Strange it is painted blue



It is noticed



Eyes are averted from papaers, screens, coffee machines, office seats



And.... oh la la



the big blue open top bus comes to a stopoutside Girl's glass doors



Drum roll and a cough to clear the Maestro's throat



'Ladies and Gentlemen behold the beautiful the sensual, erotic, exotic...



Three lovely ladies



Fun gals come to brighten up your day,'



The Maestro pinched a proffered bum



'Cheeky,



Come take a closer look-



See'



'Caught on camera by the TV crew



''Looksy, we know you want to.'



Girl gets distracted and red-blooded Arnold has already fled



She goes to have a decker



It's not every day you get to sample the best of British journalism



3 TITTY LADIES BARE ALL IN CITY WHOPPER SHOCKER



Smoked glass doors are opened wide



Girl and Arnold step outside



'Woah, she's a ride,' says Arnold to Girl.



'Go on gorgeous, give us a twirl.'



'Awight boys,' calls out Titty One, 'We sure gonna have fun.'



And slowly and oh so teasingly



She pulls her t-shirt up over her body revealing her...



And the crowd yell



'Cor, look at the knockers on that.'



Tasty



Tasty



Very



Very



Tasty



And tastefully exhibited



The important bits hidden behind a golden bikini thingy



9.43





A good crowd has gathered



Fun for all means men and Girl



She doesn't seem to notice, neither do they



Otherwise preoccupied with Titty One



Her hips, bra straps, and her bum



Sway in opposing directions



man calls out, 'get a move on some of us got work to do.'



Titty One satisfies



Her great big boobies are espied



The bikini thingy cast aside



How dutifully displayed





Titty One is most refined



Shows them off like a good little girl



Like she's a good little girl



Flutters her eyes, never done it before



then switches to acting like a dirty whore



In tune, the bleating audience sing the all time classic



'Get your tits out for the boys.'



9.45





Like vermin they appear out of nowhere



Tools down, headed for the spectacle



the crowd has grown like a pregnant woman



Lines of males at windows



Windows opened for the first time ever



Cheering and the like



Then Titty Two joins her pal



She really is a horny gal



'All for you,' coos Titty Two



'But mustn't tell the wife.'



And she pouts out her tush wagging it like a puppy bitch



'Could do wiv a piece of dat.'



'Wouldn't know what to do.'



'Would too.'



Fisty cuffs are formed, punches thrown



'Boys, boys there's plenty for all.' says Titty Three



She lifts up her top, 'See, see.'



9.50



An enormous blob of dribbly drool



Descends down the building forming a pool



Titties titillating, tight trousered crowd



Girl taken in goes along for the ride



She cheers those ladies on



'Bravo... bravo...'



Focus switches, Girl comes into view



Full frontal, fully clothed



9.52





Males are disconcerted, don't know what to do



Very unbecoming behaviour



From a proper lady



Most unsettling



Definately not right



Girl should be behind her desk



Out of sight



The men feel cheated



It's their show



They attack her with cries of



'Lesbo... Lesbo...'



Girl shouts back,



'Would you blame me, look at the state of you lot.'



The Titties laugh



'Good on you Girl,, they shout their support



men lose face, bosses lose money and it's back to work boys



9.55



The crowd disperse and the wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round...





Author of five novels, Lana Citron is also a consummate hoarder of kisses and currently working on; 'A Life in Kisses', check her out at www.oneoffkisses.com or at The Big Chill this year or should the fancy take, on the 4th plinth in Leicester Square on Agust the 9th between 9-10am. This edited piece was originally published in Lara's first novel, Sucker and kindly donated to Burlesque Against Breast Cancer, not to mention performed last Monday at the Book Club Boutique.




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