Living and Dying are intimate friends...

Friday, September 5, 2008

The words in my title were written by John Denver. I was driving my car and listening to John Denver's music. I was focusing on his lyrics and even though I had heard the song before, this was the first time I heard, "Living and Dying are intimate friends". I felt tears streaming down my face and I realized I needed to pull off the road.


Living,dying....two words that I just never saw as friends but for the first time I felt some comfort. With my newest cancer diagnosis I felt that it was important that I feel positive about the prognosis. However, fear entered my emotions, body and spirit and I could not soothe myself or feel calm. The doctor had said that right now there would be no treatment and that he would see me in a year if nothing changed. My heart ached as I heard his words...I just knew too much about Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma (ACC), the orphan cancer. It is rare and because of this, it is not studied much. There is no cure just treatments ...chemotherapy. I would only have chemo if symptoms existed. Right now, I am symptom free!


Living and dying are intimate friends...these words circled round my mind and body. What did John Denver mean when he described these words as intimate friends? Did he ever imagine for a moment how they would touch me? I knew for the first time that if I looked at my birth, my life and my death as three intimate friends... I would not be afraid.

When I was born, I was just born. I didn't worry about the nine months I spent in my mother's womb or the birth process or would I be a boy or a girl. As I have been living my life, I have spent a great deal of time concerning myself with the wrong things and missing out on so much time! There have been times when I have been anxious and afraid to do something or face a problem. Other times I worried about what might happen if...

With time, experience and training, I have gotten use to the bumps of life. I plan on continuing work on my life and my use of each day. I will also continue seeking peace and living a life where I do things that make an impact on the world.

Recently I have seen the presence of death and its color is neither somber nor black. I am reaching out for dying in terms of attempting to understand it so that it becomes "an intimate friend". I am realizing that death may not be a fearful process but just a component of being a human being. As I was born and as I live, I will die.
And it may be the most exciting human experience ever! So many die and so many live. We can only accept what will be....Let's enjoy each moment! God bless all the soldiers. AMF

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