So often I say to myself: "If only I had the chance to say...". There are moments in my life that I did not say what I wanted or needed to say. Other times I didn't ask a question that until now I thought would go unanswered. I have had a lack of closure because of the words I did not speak to my parents, friends and lovers.
But is is too late? I found out with the help of my therapist that these moments can be replayed in my memory and words can be spoken that went unsaid. I close my eyes and picture a time and place and the loved one's manner and the loved one's face. I see the two of us together and it feels so wonderful. We are looking at each other , ready to speak. I will not miss the chance this time.
The conversation can begin right then; the two of us joined in a verbal blend of words, delight and sometimes sorry. But what it gives me is the second, minute and hour to say the words that once did not come. I ask my father why he died when I was five and did he know I needed him then. I ask my mother if she really loved me and did she know that I loved her deeply. I ask a lover why the relationship ended with so much pain and was I ever loved and was I missed. I ask a dear friend why he took his life and didn't he know I would have helped him. I ask another friend who died young, if he knew I treasured him and that I miss him so often.
The list of people and words not spoken can sometimes appear endless...until I realized that once I had the first converstion, the others took less time and effort and some never had to take place. Words, emotions, and thoughts are powerful enough to jump the barriers of death and separation. I brought closure to so many relationships when I was finally honest with myself...I knew the anwer all along to why I had not spoken... I just didn't want to say, "Good-Bye". And sometimes saying good-bye is inevitable. God Bless us all.AMF
But is is too late? I found out with the help of my therapist that these moments can be replayed in my memory and words can be spoken that went unsaid. I close my eyes and picture a time and place and the loved one's manner and the loved one's face. I see the two of us together and it feels so wonderful. We are looking at each other , ready to speak. I will not miss the chance this time.
The conversation can begin right then; the two of us joined in a verbal blend of words, delight and sometimes sorry. But what it gives me is the second, minute and hour to say the words that once did not come. I ask my father why he died when I was five and did he know I needed him then. I ask my mother if she really loved me and did she know that I loved her deeply. I ask a lover why the relationship ended with so much pain and was I ever loved and was I missed. I ask a dear friend why he took his life and didn't he know I would have helped him. I ask another friend who died young, if he knew I treasured him and that I miss him so often.
The list of people and words not spoken can sometimes appear endless...until I realized that once I had the first converstion, the others took less time and effort and some never had to take place. Words, emotions, and thoughts are powerful enough to jump the barriers of death and separation. I brought closure to so many relationships when I was finally honest with myself...I knew the anwer all along to why I had not spoken... I just didn't want to say, "Good-Bye". And sometimes saying good-bye is inevitable. God Bless us all.AMF
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