Yesterday, December 10, 2007, I went for my follow-up visit to MSKCC pulmonary specialist. I had a CT Scan one week ago to determine if the nodules on my lungs had changed sinceSeptember, 2007. In medical vernacular, had grown. Unfortunately, the miracle I had hoped for had not occurred. Out of five nodules, two had grown from three millimeters to five millimeters.
When I asked the doctor what would happen next...we simultaneously answered, "Wait and see." In three months the CT scan would be done again and if any nodule had grown to eight millimeters, a biopsy could be done to see what was going on. This post is not about, "Do I have cancer or don't I?" It is about, "How will I make my miracle happen during the next three months?"
You see, when all of this started on September 11, 2007, I just thought that wanting a miracle was enough. I really didn't do much to cause or welcome one. Now I am ready. In re-thinking the past three months I know that I have changed some of the things I do and my emotional life is getting better. However, I have done little to improve my spiritual life.
I grow spiritually when I dance. I love to belly dance or just move to all types of music. I have even tried Hip-Hop, and I am not too bad. Dancing is so special to me because I leave my body and feel connected with the world as a whole. I feel a pulsation in my body and I believe that I can use this to connect with the Creator. I will use music to move my body and mind to a healthier place, taking along with it my spiritual self. I also love to listen to music and sing along and this joins me with the world of creation. A personal favorite is John Denver. His words and music are so moving to me. You might want to listen to him, sometimes to see if his music and lyrics speak to you.
I also will meditate. This will help me to stop ruminating, something I am working on in therapy, I really didn't know what ruminating was, but I was good at it! I was surprised to find out that I was using past hurtful events to entertain myself. I am going to move past all the negative things in my past and present life and focus on what is positive in my life NOW. This is what really matters. When I meditate I am calmer and more focused on what is good in my life. I am peaceful and prayerful - something I could use. A strong belief in someone or something will help me to open my soul and heart to God.
When I do these two things - dance and meditate for the purpose of healing myself physically, emotionally and spiritually I WILL HAVE made MY MIRACLE and then I will be one of the miracle makers who exist all around us. Haven't you ever felt the effects of these people - the feeling of peace, joy and calm just radiates from them?
The miracle I am seeking is not about the nodules disappearing or the nodules not being malignant - although that would be great. This miracle is about making my life better for myself each and every day I have. By doing this, I will impact on myself, others and the world. I will be creating a purposeful life and living the life I was put on the Earth to have. You see I really believe that all things happen the way they are suppose to happen. God bless us all! AMF
When I asked the doctor what would happen next...we simultaneously answered, "Wait and see." In three months the CT scan would be done again and if any nodule had grown to eight millimeters, a biopsy could be done to see what was going on. This post is not about, "Do I have cancer or don't I?" It is about, "How will I make my miracle happen during the next three months?"
You see, when all of this started on September 11, 2007, I just thought that wanting a miracle was enough. I really didn't do much to cause or welcome one. Now I am ready. In re-thinking the past three months I know that I have changed some of the things I do and my emotional life is getting better. However, I have done little to improve my spiritual life.
I grow spiritually when I dance. I love to belly dance or just move to all types of music. I have even tried Hip-Hop, and I am not too bad. Dancing is so special to me because I leave my body and feel connected with the world as a whole. I feel a pulsation in my body and I believe that I can use this to connect with the Creator. I will use music to move my body and mind to a healthier place, taking along with it my spiritual self. I also love to listen to music and sing along and this joins me with the world of creation. A personal favorite is John Denver. His words and music are so moving to me. You might want to listen to him, sometimes to see if his music and lyrics speak to you.
I also will meditate. This will help me to stop ruminating, something I am working on in therapy, I really didn't know what ruminating was, but I was good at it! I was surprised to find out that I was using past hurtful events to entertain myself. I am going to move past all the negative things in my past and present life and focus on what is positive in my life NOW. This is what really matters. When I meditate I am calmer and more focused on what is good in my life. I am peaceful and prayerful - something I could use. A strong belief in someone or something will help me to open my soul and heart to God.
When I do these two things - dance and meditate for the purpose of healing myself physically, emotionally and spiritually I WILL HAVE made MY MIRACLE and then I will be one of the miracle makers who exist all around us. Haven't you ever felt the effects of these people - the feeling of peace, joy and calm just radiates from them?
The miracle I am seeking is not about the nodules disappearing or the nodules not being malignant - although that would be great. This miracle is about making my life better for myself each and every day I have. By doing this, I will impact on myself, others and the world. I will be creating a purposeful life and living the life I was put on the Earth to have. You see I really believe that all things happen the way they are suppose to happen. God bless us all! AMF
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