My Experience With Neuropathy

Chemotherapy can cause neuropathy which is nerve damage. It usually affects the hands and feet and may cause them to hurt, tingle, feel numb or weak and even cause an impaired sense of touch.

Some of the symptoms I’ve experienced include … burning, tingling, and prickling. I’ve had sharp shooting pain which kind of feels like an electrical shock ... and that's in both my hands and feet. 

I think it’s affected my walking because neuropathy can weaken muscles. In my case,  I had trouble with the arch of my  foot and had to go to the Chiropractor for him to stretch and strengthen my arch, foot and calves. I picked up some arch supports at the local grocery store which seems to help. Before seeing my Chiro, I used to have really bad feet, they felt like sticks with no feet and I used to flop my foot to the ground instead of stepping with the front of my foot and walking properly. Apparently, neuropathy can affect the reflexes in your feet and therefore can change the way you walk and for me … it did.

So how does neuropathy affect my life … well mostly, I don't feel solid on my feet. I have trouble picking up small objects and feel I’m just a bit clumsier … dropping things and such. I don’t have the strength to open jars, even the flip top to the ketchup container is uncomfortable to open. When I crack an egg and try to pull the shells apart, the pressure on my fingers is definitely felt, I’m very sensitive to heat … so I have to grab a pot holder to take plates out of the microwave and I have to be ever so careful when cutting or chopping food.. When I take my shower, hot water makes my feet burn so I have to turn the temperature down. At night I’m constantly flipping my feet around to find a comfy spot for my feet. The weight of the bed sheets puts pressure on my toes and if I have my feet flat on the bed, the pressure causes a burning sensation. The other night I woke up to burning feet … to get immediate relief, I sure wanted to go outside and run around in the snow but didn't … just ended up uncovering them to cool and waiting for the sensation to pass.

My biggest concern with my feet continues to be dryness and because I can’t feel any sort of pain from cracks in my skin … I do a visual check every day.

An Inspiring Cancer Video

Here is a 5:49 minute inspiring cancer video by Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Cancer.

Gift From a Friend

My good friend Arlene crocheted this beautiful shawl for me. It`s so soft and cuddly ... I can`t even tell you.

A bit about Arlene... she has been like a big sister to me especially when it comes to my cancer journey. We met at the Cross Cancer Clinic back in 2000 when we were both going through chemo for breast cancer. It turned out our treatments were identical. She progressed through things just a bit ahead of me because my white blood cells wouldn’t recover in time for a 3-week rotation, so I had to wait four weeks between treatments. Because Arlene was ahead of me, she always gave me the scoop on what to expect next. I can’t tell you how helpful that was for me back then. And she has been great support through my reoccurrences too.

I’m glad to say Arlene is cancer free and doing real well.

Thanks Arlene for the wonderful shawl and for being my good friend.

Sleep Living

We have all heard of the terms: sleepwalking, living in your own world, being out of it, out there on your own. Well, yesterday, I heard the words "sleep living" in my mind! I felt I was telling myself something and I needed to grab onto these two words and then figure out what they meant to me. So right now, with you and my computer...I will find out.

As I write, I am hoping that the meaning of sleep living will become clear to me. I have had to alter my life since October, 2009 in order to fit in all the medical routines, appointments, and pill taking that are required in order for me to heal. What has worried me is that not one of my wonderful doctors has guaranteed that my mouth will heal and that I will be able to speak better and eat food and drink liquids. What do I do with this ambiguity...I sleep live.

I wake up in the morning, after going to bed very late. Therefore, I guarantee that I am tired and eventually as the week moves on from Monday to Sunday, I am exhausted. In this state of tiredness I live. I take my pills, use the food tube, go to doctors appointments, write, and exist. At this level of functioning I am alert; however, what I have done is I have distanced myself from life by popping in and out of tiredness. Are you following me? I function well. I pay my bills, write to people, handle business matters - all items that are not a threat to me.

Because I haven't wanted to be fully awake to what has been physically happening to me, I have kept myself just awake enough and tired enough to function. Nothing is too bad or too good. Things are just what they are. But let's look at what I have sacrificed!

I do not feel the vitality of life that I so love. My laughter is infrequent and often muffled. I choose to be alone because it takes less effort. And I have to push myself to do things. But since I have uncovered the concept of "sleep living" I can do away with it.

All I need to do is fully look at what is happening to me and just let it be. My therapist frequently tells me I ruminate...of course I debate this with her...you see my form of rumination is sneaky, I think about my illness under the guise of planning what I need to do.

However, to break the hold that sleep living has on me, tonight I am going to bed at 11PM and waking at 8AM. When I wake up I am going to kiss my partner and cats "Good Morning", say a few prayers, listen to Joshua Bell and then jump into the shower and wash away all the pain, doubt and sleepiness.

Tomorrow, I will let you know if I awake from "Sleep Living" and find a more alive me.

God Bless all our efforts...do something kind to someone you do not know. It's fun. Yesterday I gave a bakery worker a tip for being kind to me and attempting to understand me as I ordered. The money was nice but I could see on the young man's face that what touched him most was that I appreciated his actions and sweetness..........................amf

Sears Coffee Group

Yesterday I had coffee with the ladies and what a treat it was. J just got back for her Mexican vacation and she brought back souvenirs for us all. S brought gifts too and she didn’t even go anywhere. A came with 6 copies of the pictures taken at our Christmas get-together... with these little gifts, it was like Christmas all over again.

We talked about a bit about... who had recent tests done, any new medications we were on ... just generally how everyone was doing. What I noticed and even mentioned to the group ... is that no one was complaining. We all seemed to agree ... we just have to make the best of the cards we are dealt. And you know what... after coffee was over; I walked out of there with a bit more bounce in my step.

Xeloda Toes Update

The splits on my big toes are nearly healed. Compare this to what they looked like ten days ago ... split open and bleeding.  I wrap them once a day each morning with gauze and a good dollop of cream then bandage.

Even with the twice daily moisturizing, the heals of my feet are still showing signs of drying and peeling skin. I’ve tried wrapping them with a variety of gauze, bandages and tape but it all seems to slip off during the day. At night it’s better because I put socks on and am off my feet. I may have to go back to the medical supply store to see what else they have to offer.

If you look at the picture of my beautiful feet ...  you will notice some brown spots developing. I have some small ones on my hands too. The Onc didn’t seem too concerned.

 My hands don’t seem to be affected by the seasonal dryness as my feet. I do notice some layers of skin peeling off so as a preventative measure I put tape on them ... especially my thumbs.

Breast Cancer Awareness Video